I hate to screw up. I hate screwing up so much, that I hate the things that might get screwed up. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything on earth that might not get screwed up. So I end up hating pretty much everything on earth. People like that are called ‘screwed up’. That makes me not like myself a whole lot, because I’m screwed up. It just forms a really irritating and irrational, unfair circle. One I’ve tried to get out of many times, but just keep going round and round and round … no coming out without being dizzy.
Some say I am too hard on myself. I say I’m messed in the head. Some say I expect too much, and hence I push. I say I expect too much, and I don’t. When I don’t achieve, I get angry. When I get angry, I (tend to) do things I shouldn’t, a.k.a, screw up. What sucks even more is that the Murphy’s law kicks in full gear, and things just begin to break down. It’s in those times that the disorientation makes me walk around in a daze, not knowing what to do. I don’t know if dependence on people is a good thing. You get hurt much more that way.
Nothing is perfect. I think we’ve managed to establish that fact really well. Trying to keep something going properly is as hard a task as you can find. You never know what someone might say or do that will throw a spanner in the works, which will wedge itself in a place where you cannot put your hand and not hurt it. I think it’s just a steaming pile of cowshit when someone says “Just be happy”. Yeah! It’s seriously much easier said than done. I can’t go a week with something not bothering me to limits which I can’t tolerate, even if people around me don’t get to know.
I got 6+2 exams due next week … in 5 days. That, and 2 assignments. Think of the amount of work that’s on my ass, which I have to get out and try to score full marks in. What is “sane” about any of this? How can ‘intelligent’ people come up with a system, which only screws around with students? I hate the system …
It just sucks man ... that’s all I can say.
I think it is very possible for someone to hold a rather ‘high’ opinion about themselves. Not just possible … but easy as well. Which throws articles like these a little off balance, since a person trying to evaluate him/herself might have a wrong opinion about themselves. For example, I consider myself an ‘above average’ person (being very modest here), intellectually, as compared to the general crowd.
Now, if I’m right about that, it would explain my nature, and why I’m not good with people (since that writer is a sociologist, I’ll take it to be somewhat correct). But that would also mean that I really am intelligent above other people. That makes me have an ‘air’ about myself, which is not considered good anyway. You see what I mean? There is no way I can win here.
There should be a good way to judge yourself, by yourself, without having other people tell you how you are and then you consolidating your decisions based on what you get from those opinions. You know what they say about opinions, don’t you … How can you keep a rational viewpoint about ‘yourself’?
I need to learn how to do that … honestly!
Must passion be restricted to oneself? Why do people think that it's wrong to go public with what you like. They give weird reasons like 'Seeking validation', 'It's not a passion anymore', and what not. If someone likes to paint, and they start painting for people, to be known for what they do, doesn't it still remain a valid passion? A hobby?
Not everyone likes to keep stuff they like to themselves. There are many who like to show off to the world something they're proud of. I don't think (sincerely) there is anything wrong with showing (within certain limits). There are many things. Music, art ... it can even be a person. If you're proud of your friends, you can always proudly introduce them to other people.
It's not everyday that you get to meet passionate people, and I feel bad for people who don't have a drive, a motivation, a passion in their lives. They lack the soul ingredient which makes life worth living. The lack the 'thing' in their life. If you take away the less important things from them, they'll lose 70% of their being, because they 'don't' have that important
thing to give them release.
I know that many people will disagree with me on this, but I really don't care. I think education in college is just getting a little ridiculous, with us having to study subjects like Engineering Graphics (one of the subjects I like the most out of the ones I hate), and Chemistry. I still have to figure out why the hell are we studying chemistry even though I'm in computer science. I know the subjects are related, but could someone give me a real world example as to how?
There is particularly no relation that I can see which will enable me to become a successful Software designer by studying chemistry. It wouldn't have been half as bad if the teacher had been good. We get stuck with a nincompoop assistant professor, who can't even say her subject's name properly (it sounds more like 'Chemishee'). Maybe if the college took interest in it's students, we'd take interest in the college.
Nobody likes to study, I know. Nobody likes college either, I know that too. But there are some subjects which I genuinely find interesting, and if I get to just do them (even if at an advanced level) I believe I'll be able to learn and accomplish much more than the forced studying and learning that we have to do. That I have to do. I wish this was the worst of it.
The worst part comes giving exams for the said subjects. Since I don't like them, I don't study for them (not entirely seriously atleast), and when I don't study for them, I don't fair so well (surprise!). Nobody likes that, least of all me. I like to succeed in the darndest of situations, and here I am failing to do that. Doesn't push the morale-booster button.
Someone give Pai a boot up his a**...
You guessed it! Our very own lovable 'Eragon'! I can prove it ...
Eragon = Luke Skywalker. The name comes from a bad pronunciation of Aragon.
Brom = Obi Wan Kenobi after the 3rd episode.
Arya = Leia. well, maybe not that defenceless
Morzan = Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vadar. Only difference is that he is already dead.
Galbatorix = Sideous/Emperor.
Shruikan/Thorn = TIE fighters?
Saphira/Glaedr = X-Wings?
Dragonriders = Jedi Knights
Magic = The force (makes dragons sort of midichlorians, and the force doesn't have physical effects)
Empire = Empire (uhh...)
Varden = Rebels
Those were the characters. Here are the situations:
Eragon comes back to find Garrow killed, the house burnt down by Ra'zac
Luke came back to find his foster parents killed and the igloo like thing burnt down by bandits.
Brom took Eragon away to hide him and keep him safe from the Empire, while going after the Ra'zac. Also trained him in the ways of magic and sparring.
Obi Wan took Luke away to hide him and keep him safe from the Empire, and trained him in the way of the force and how to use the (oh so gorgeous) light-sabre.
Vadar takes Leia captive upon the Death Star, after chasing her right in the beginning of 'A new hope'.
Durza took Arya captive after a showdown in the forest right in the beginning of Eragon.
Eragon helps the Varden fend off the first attack by Durza and Galbatorix's soldiers, killing Durza in the process and freeing the Ra'zac from his control. This turns out to be a bitter blow to the Empire, and gives the Varden new confidence and hope.
Luke destroys the Death Star, confirms everyone's faith in him as a Jedi and gives the rebels new hope and confidence. The destruction of the Death Star begins the end of the Empire.
Murtagh reveals himself as Eragon's brother, and in the process, Morzan as their father.
Vadar tells Luke he is his father.
Yea, it's getting a bit too much for me too.
I am not trying to undermine Eragon. It's a good book, and was fun to read when it came out. But the more educated I have become about fantasy and the whole genre, the more I've read and seen other works in it, the more it comes out to be clichéd and overdrawn, not to mention over-hyped. I am still waiting for the third book though, but just to see how Paolini finishes off the story.
C'mon, break the cycle.
(P.S. Criticizing isn't really my thing. I know I can't write such a big book which has sold so well. But atleast I know and am not trying to sell horse shit to deluded kids who'd fall head over heals for anything with dragons and magic in it. I'm just angry he played the field.)
How many people I've seen who make up shit just to get some credit, or hog all of it if they can. They might not know anything about what's going on, but that won't stop them from talking about it. People will praise if people around are praising, boo if the crowd is jeering, and then bask in the glory of being the 'majority' and doing the right thing.
It's a combination of going with the flow for acceptance, and biting for more to get credit as well. I hate it, and hate people who try to do it. I remember (and I won't take names) someone being why they sang 'Chop Suey' at a relief fund concert, and they said they sang it because it has the whole angelic feel to it with words like 'angels deserve to die'. What a load of crap! I doubt they'd have known what the song was about. The guitarist said about that line:
> "The song is about how when people die, they will be regarded differently depending on the way they pass. Like, if I were to die from a drug overdose, everyone would say I deserved it because I abused drugs, hence the line 'Angels deserve to die'."
Most people would accept that and believe it to be nobel, but that's not the thought behind the song they sang. Shouldn't they have sung one which 'had' a meaning close to the purpose? Ah well...
Worse though is going with the flow to gain acceptance. People are so afraid of being outcast because they're different in opinion, they rather change their way of thinking than stick by what they believe and fight the right fight. If they're wrong, they should admit and apologise if needed be graciously. There is no shame in making mistakes (even though I hate to make them, which is a different case), and it's better to make mistakes and learn than live with a wrong notion.
This world sure has to grow up still...
Watching a movie today, for a good 10 minutes, I sincerely developed a love for the country. Honest! It was quite cool ... but as fast as it had developed, it disappeared as well! So nothing lost, nothing gained.
Somehow, those things look good just in cinema. As people say, it's not practical or true. Of course, I do believe that if everyone **did** make an effort, this country would truly be an amazing one. With predictions being made that the country will become the economic leader of the world by 2050 (now that's a **very** long time), it's no wonder that people aren't taking it seriously right now. We anyway don't care for anything that surpasses our life-span, how do you expect us to care for what happens 50 years from now!
There are little things that people need to understand about people in this country. And all the 'Rang De Basanti's can try as much as they want, but the truth is that the effect of those films is on the minority. The majority still doesn't care and doesn't want anything to do with **active** betterment of the country. Yes, if you ask them to do something (as in, give them a proper tangible thing to do), I'm very sure that everyone will volunteer to help without a second question, but if you expect them to take the initiative, you'll be greeted with the all too familiar question of 'What is the government we elected doing?', or 'If we do the governments job, what are they taking taxes and money from us for?'
See what the problem is Mr. Gowarikar?
No one is to blame, and everyone is a culprit. The one's who try to do good don't make any visible effect because of their number, and the one's who **can** make the change don't bother to. It's a vicious circle, and it'll take some doing to get the country up to where we envisage it to be in 2050. I hope I live long enough to see it happen, 'cuz very frankly, this is one thing that I'll **love** to see!
Just wanna give up and move on. I feel like I am doing something I shouldn't be, and wasting my time which I could spend doing something I should, and want to. It's just so very irritating, that suddenly I seem to have lost all focus and orientation as to what I am doing in life, and why I'm here. Who my friends are, who are the people I care about, and who care about me. It's like putting an ant on a huge and shiny glass topped table.
It can do nothing but see itself, and an endless span of white. Where does it go? What does it look for? How does it get away from there? Imagine yourself to be in that position, and maybe you'll get what I'm feeling.
I haven't played the guitar in a month now, and spend most of my time coding up pretty worthless stuff. I want to be involved with something big, which I know will make a difference to people. I want to invent something, make something unique that no-one ever tried to do, or thought could be done. I want to do something of consequence, so that I can show the people who've spit on my tracks that I am something, because I am something. I'm more than this... More than what I'm given credit for, more than what people see me as.
I feel it catching up to me again ... This little thing called life. Ughh how I hate it!!
I just finished watching it, and curse my hopes and expectations from a book-movie! But heck, this one was worse than The Goblet of Fire (which was a disaster!). The movie was so rushed, it felt like I was flipping through the pages of the book while my fingers were on fire. Plus, so many parts of the story had been changed, they might as well have put 'based on' in the credits lineup. It was pathetic!
Brom never got killed by Durza! Please! Brom could have taken him on anyday..! Murtagh's personality characteristics of being arrogant, suspicious and at-first-meeting untrustworthy never came out! He seemed to eager to take Eragon to the Varden, you'd assume they had a huge candy waiting for him when he reached! If the director didn't estabilish the deepness of Eragon and Murtaghs relationship, how does he plan to show the mourning at his loss, and then the confusion and anger at his return as the enemy in the second movie? The only relation they've (Eragon and Murtagh) had is that M saved E's life ... what about the sparring after Brom died? What about the constant chase... the questions E used to put to M all the time, wanting to trust him but M's nature keeping him at bay?
Ok, enough about them. What about Arya? She recovered so quickly even the elves would have been proud! She even aided in the battle in full strength! That's just pathetic.. and what happened to Eragon beginning to like Arya, and showing signs of it? 'Fit for battle' my arse! He told her she look beautiful, and Saphira had sensed that. Speaking of which, who knows their name right from birth? A Dragon! That's who! Make sense? If you've read the book, you'd know that Eragon named Saphira after Brom's dragon. That was never estabilished, as Saphira so proudly announced her name to Eragon, as if she's always been there, and he's the new guy. Christ! What was the director thinking?
The Varden were shown for all of 5 minutes, with no existence of the Twins, or the relationship Eragon forms with the dwarf (I don't remember his name, and they don't mention it in the movie either). I have no clue what hell the movie was about. If I hadn't read the book, it would have been worse! How you can you turn a 300+ page book into a movie of just an hour and a half? Lord Of The Rings took up 4 hours (uncut) to make it amazing and Goblet Of Fire took 3 hours, and still messed it up. Eragon could have never been made under 2 and a half hours, atleast! The director was on crack! I'm telling you ....
Anyway, I'm glad I didn't waste my money going to the theatre and trying to be first in line or some other ballyoo! It was pathetic enough for a download, forget paying 150 bucks for it for the theatre! I'm outy!
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